Signs You Need Better Coping Skills (And What "What About Bob" Can Teach Us)

Life throws curveballs—some small and annoying, others heavy enough to knock the wind out of us. When we’re hit, how we respond makes all the difference. Our coping skills are the tools we use to manage stress, regulate emotions, and keep ourselves grounded through life’s inevitable chaos. But how do you know if your tools are... well, rusty?

Let’s talk about the signs that you may need better coping skills—and how approaches like Nonviolent Communication (NVC), created by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, can offer a solid foundation when everything feels like too much. And yes, we’re even going to talk about What About Bob, the cult classic that hilariously captures the unraveling of someone trying to cope with life (and therapy) one baby step at a time.

First, What Are Coping Skills?

Coping skills are behaviors, thoughts, and emotional strategies we use to manage stress, trauma, or difficult emotions. They’re how we deal with life. Some are healthy—like journaling, reaching out to a friend, or using NVC. Others, not so much—like avoiding people, binge-watching TV to escape feelings, or blowing up at your partner.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s emotional agility. It’s knowing how to self-soothe in healthy ways and communicate without causing more harm. Or, as we like to say at Davenport Counseling, Your No-nonsense Therapists where we're Better Together—the best coping skills are the ones you use.

Signs You May Need Better Coping Skills

Here are some red flags that your current methods may not be working as well as you think:

1. You Feel Chronically Overwhelmed

If your first reaction to any stressor—big or small—is to shut down, panic, or lash out, you might be maxing out your coping bandwidth. Emotional flooding is a signal that your current tools aren’t helping you regulate.

2. You’re Avoiding Everything

You start procrastinating on work, dodging uncomfortable conversations, or ghosting your group chat. Avoidance may feel like relief at first, but it usually leads to more stress later.

3. You Feel Numb or Disconnected

When stress becomes constant, some people detach emotionally as a form of self-protection. If you find yourself "checking out" or feeling indifferent about things that used to matter, it's worth paying attention.

4. You’re Snapping at People You Love

Irritability is often a sign that we’re emotionally dysregulated and lacking the space to respond calmly. It’s a clear sign your current tools may not be helping you reset between stressors.

5. You’re Relying on Unhealthy Crutches

Overindulging in food, alcohol, social media, or other compulsive behaviors may feel like coping—but often, they just delay the healing. These habits may mask the problem, but they rarely solve it.

Enter What About Bob?

If you’ve seen What About Bob?, you already know it’s a comedic (and slightly tragic) deep dive into one man’s frantic journey toward mental health. Bob Wiley, played by Bill Murray, is a walking example of someone desperately trying to cope. He’s riddled with anxiety, fear, and obsessive behaviors. He clings to his new therapist, Dr. Marvin, and takes the idea of "baby steps" very literally.

While exaggerated for laughs, Bob’s story highlights something we all deal with: the tension between wanting to get better and not knowing how. His meltdowns, dependence, and need for constant reassurance show us what happens when coping strategies are either ineffective or entirely absent.

But there’s also something oddly hopeful about Bob. He wants to get better. He tries. He practices baby steps. And by the end, even Dr. Marvin's own inability to cope becomes more obvious than Bob’s. The lesson? Everyone’s coping looks messy sometimes—but learning the right tools matters.

One Skill That Changes Everything: Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

One of the most powerful coping strategies I’ve seen (and used myself) is Nonviolent Communication, developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. This method emphasizes empathy, clarity, and connection—both with others and ourselves.

At its core, NVC teaches you to identify and express:

• What you’re observing (without judgment)

• What you’re feeling

• What you need

• What you’re requesting

It seems simple, but it’s transformative. Let’s break it down in a real-world situation:

Old Coping Strategy: "Ugh, you never listen to me! You’re so selfish!"

NVC Coping Strategy: "When I saw you looking at your phone while I was talking, I felt hurt and dismissed. I need to feel heard and valued. Would you be willing to put your phone down while we talk?"

This kind of communication does more than de-escalate—it rewires how we relate to ourselves and others. It helps us stay grounded, reduce conflict, and express needs without shame or blame. In moments of stress, it becomes a reliable tool to regulate our emotions and stay connected.

Why the Best Coping Skills Are the Ones You Use

It doesn’t matter how many mindfulness apps you’ve downloaded or how many self-help books sit unread on your shelf. If you’re not actually using the coping tools available to you, they can’t help. You don’t have to wait until you’re spiraling to try something new. Even small steps—yes, baby steps—can shift the momentum.

Here are a few simple, actionable practices you can try today:

• Pause and name your emotion: “I feel anxious/frustrated/sad.”

• Identify the unmet need: “I need peace/connection/support.”

• Use NVC with yourself or someone else to express those needs.

• Reach out to a therapist or counselor who can walk with you in building a toolkit that fits.

  

Final Thoughts

Coping is a skill—just like riding a bike or learning to cook. You’re not born knowing how to manage anxiety or process heartbreak. You learn it. And when what you’ve learned isn’t working anymore, it’s okay to re-learn.

Whether you’re struggling like Bob Wiley or just realizing you snap more than you’d like, don’t beat yourself up. The fact that you’re noticing it is the first step. And from there, with the right tools and support, you can take your own baby steps toward emotional health.

If you're ready to build coping skills that actually work—skills you’ll use—we’re here to help.Davenport Counseling, Your No-nonsense Therapists where we're Better Together.

Want to learn more about Nonviolent Communication or other effective coping strategies? Reach out to schedule a consultation or browse our blog for more mental wellness insights.